Dad, I still have guilt in my heart. Please forgive me for not knowing how to deal with certain things. Forgive me for being angry, hurt, scared. I don’t know if at the time I could have done better, because it is now as an adult that I know better. Forgive me.
It’s been two years. Is there a heaven? Is it how they say? Beautiful, peaceful, void of pain, suffering and hurt? Just love and freedom? Are you with my grandparents? Can they see us? Are you free? Free of illness, pain? Are you watching down on us? Are you protecting us and helping us as we walk this life without you? Are you proud of us?
Am I living this life the way I should? Is there something I’m not getting? I’m sure there is. I’m sure there is sooo much I have yet to learn. So much I don’t understand. So much that just doesn’t make sense. Can you help me? Help me make sense of it all. Help me be better. Help me live a life of joy, peace, compassion, humility, and most importantly love. Help me not to worry about things that have past, things I cannot change or control, things I do not understand. Guide me. Help me find those things that make me happy. Help me become a better woman, daughter, friend, sister, cousin, niece. Help me get out of my old ways, so that I can see the light. So that I can see the beauty in front of me…now…in this hour…this moment. Help me create bonds with others…those bonds that will carry me through life, and lift me up through difficult times, as I will them. Help me to live the life I am meant to live. Help me be open to it. Help me find my passion in life – that which makes me who I am. That which brings me joy and fulfillment. I’m doing my best….but help me do better.
I love you always.
Your baby girl.